):

sorry guys i havent posted in awhile, ' just have been REALLY sick . 
finally found out whats wrong :) so finlly happy , and gettin the help that i need. 
after being sick for a few month's they look @ me and tell me that i have a respitory 
infection ): which YES is very shitty & deff isent fun. 

bulimic post #1.

emilyb- when my mother found out i was bulimic, she yelled at me and said, "just stop sticking your finger down your throat!" sadly, this didn't help at all, but just made me feel worse, and in turn, led to more eating and throwing up.

okay, so let's just put this out there for starter's mom isent trying to yell at you because she doesnt care, she is yelling at your because back in there day, bairly anyone was sick? and none of this was invented. and i know that sometimes it can be frustrating & can sumtimes make it worst and make you want to do it more? but look at it this way.. she ovusally care's and just doeees not understand.. you need to sit down & have a talk with her, there has to be a reason why your making yourself throwup.. or to why yoou are doing this, bulimic disorder is an addiction .. just like drugs? youre body get's so used to you doing it ^& and one day your bodys just going to have enough & just shut down... im not trying too say this too scare you or make it worst.. :/ i just want you to know that it is not right & that youre body is going to have enough one day , may shutdown. i dont know you personally emily but i do know what its liike too make yourself throwup.. and i know that sometimse it feels good to let it all out , but ? i realized now that it was wrong & i was wrong and stopped. i know you can twoooo ♥

cheatin = no jooooke !?

if your gunnah cheat stay SINGLE.

ladys and gentlemen, cheating is honestly NO joke, it ruiens family/relationships/marriaages. it honestly ruiens a person inside and out & can seriously hurt someone. YES i have cheated in the past i will admitt it :/ BUT i have realized that, karma is a BITCH and eventually bit me in the ass i cheated on someone & they cheated on me .. which yes , at the time i was hurt you damn right i was but after awhile, i realized that it only taught me something .. and that something was "i hurt someone else by cheating & they didnt like it, so the other person cheated on me & i didnt like it" SO i learned that yes i dont like to get hurt so why hurt other people. Cheating has honestly changed my whole life, i know that sounds pretty fucked up & stuff, but it has? if it wasent for my current bestfriend ron cheating on me i wouldnt be the person i am today .. thankyou RON :D 

ome Warning Signs of an Unfaithful Spouse

Here are some warning signs that your spouse could be cheating on you.

• Your spouse seems bored. Bored with you, with job, with kids, with hobbies, with life in general.
• Your spouse seems to want danger or thrills in his/her life.
• There is considerably less intimacy in your relationship. Your sex life is practically non-existent.
• Your spouse has a low self-esteem.
• You notice your spouse has a sense of confusion about self.
• Your spouse has become lazy, especially around the house.
• Your spouse is more negative.
• You can't get your spouse to communicate with you.
• Your spouse gets very defensive if you mention infidelity or affairs.
• Your spouse is suddenly more attentive than usual.
• Your mate is working longer hours at work.
• Your spouse is dressing nicer, looking nicer.
• You notice charges on credit card statement that don't make sense.
• Your spouse is indifferent to family events like birthdays and holidays.
• You find your partner has been lying to you about a variety of things.
• Money becomes more of an issue between the two of you.
• He/she doesn't want to go anywhere or do anything with you anymore.
• You can't even get your mate to fight with you.
• You feel as if you are being avoided.
• Your partner abandons religious faith.
• Your spouse seems more secretive.
• You discover lipstick smudge on shirt.
• You learn that you have an STD and you've not strayed.

:'(

"Robbi as you're father I am going to say you have gained some weight"

why thaaank-you ass. 

-kso, ever since that day i have been making myself throwup, tbh it hurt 

he is sopose to be my father? and he goes and say's something like that. 

yeah he has done nothing but treat me like shit, 

but comeon is a father really sopose to say something like that? 

NAH didnt think so.... yes i do have insucuritys and yes i do 

gain weight & fucking loose it , but you know what you did

this.. you & that asshole.. what is it "hurt robbi year?"

 its people like ^ HIM make me do this..

i love you jeffrey & i dont want you to leave, or breakup with me 
for being too skinny & making myself throwup but that asshole makes me 
do this. hes not only stalking mebut hes creeping me out... 
and hurting me fucking deep down, 

i cant eat .. cause i feel fucking fat, you wanna know why . 

a fucking ass hole called GEORGE MICHEAL HOUGH ...

the biggest asshole ever ! the person i thought that wouldnt 

say stuff like that. -.- mmmmhm i was fucking wrong; wasent i?

oh & then that same night he said all this. i tryed to commit 

suisisde i cant fucking help it :/ pretty much i have LOST way to 

many people , and to see jeff walk away is gunnah break my heart

cus i know hes gunnah get sick & tierd of me REAL sooon.

i can see it coming. -.- and you know what happens then 

ill just die. to be honest, i dont want too loose him ... 

and dont wanna die cus we are perfect for eachother & hes 

my world but i CANT stand to see him go... i dont wanan throw

up ..  NO? but yet my doctors dont listen to me... 

yes i do understand that pills dont solve anything, 

but my depression is doing NOTHING but make shit 

worst.. i dont wanna think like this or be like this ...

i wanna be a normal 16 year old girl ?

who can live her life happy & d00ont wanna kill herself. 

but thats ovu asking for alot so whatever.

i giiiveup.

he leaves he leaves...... 

I LOVE YOU  <3 

hmmmmmmmm.......

watched the movie "its kinda a funny story" about this boy who wants to commit suiside and ends up admitting himself in a mental hospital and stuff and ends up meeting a friend and becoming friends with him and ends up meeting this girl and ends up falling in love with her... 
the meaning for this bloggg, is that ? that movie deff got me thinking... yes i do have a HUGE support system and YES i do have people around, but ? what if i did go into the hospital im eventually gunnah go insane cause with the rate things are going... i hold EVERYTHING in ? yes its bad , but id rather not spill my beans to people & iim way to scard too. im deff scard people are gunnah judge me? i dont understand it, i have a consuller and have a supportive bestfriend named briiit & a WONDERFUL boyfriend & famiily , YET its hard to talk to them .. cuase i dont want to end up fucking stuff up & ending up saying the wrong thing and POOF there gone...... im SO scard, sometimes when talking to them i think ting's through 7923729732 times .. if i honestly loose one more person in my life im going to loose it ... i have LOST so many people in my life that i just dont know what i would do, i have alot of close people in my life and i know they love me, but sometimes i just wish i could getup and go on vacation get away forawhile BUT the thing is ... no $$ & no where to go ): which is the worst. i hope eventually i can oopenup & start to get used to talking to people, cause if i wanna be a childrens aid worker/conceller im gunnah have to get used to it * i know its not gunnah be easy but, its gunna be what i have to do . i have too do me , no more this shy little girl hiding her feelings. 

4am bloogg :) waddddddup.

ugh, when do thing's get better? if anyone finds out let me know :) 

-kso today just HASENT been my day justsaying... first, i wakeup feeling like crapppp, and sick as fuuuuck... have been for about 2months now, somethings ALWAYS going wrong.. im eithor dealing w my hip, throwing up, ect.. and yet they tell me NOTHING is wrong? waatever -.- i shouldnt feel the way i feel ALL the time,  fainting for NO reason normal? mk w/e.... seecond.. i wakeup to reading a list of THINGS my mom wants me & nathan to do ... fine? whatever nbd, i did everything... YET nathan wakes up and goes on the computer & DOESNT do anything thats on the list until me & jeeff are gone... wonderful eh?third... my aunt & mom and cousin want me & jeff to take THERE two boy cat's and bring them somewhere.. okaaaay nbd i cryed; we raised cuckeyed and angel the two cat's i cryed & yet everyone bitchs NBD.. whatever, of course im gunnah cry im not gunnah wanna see them go... forth, we go shoppping & fucking my mom's yelling at me cause i ask for food and people are hitting me & stepping on my foot , which YES pissed me off completely... Fifth, the big one :@ we come home, we come home and nathans bitching cus mom forgot to get smoke's then he cant find his bankcard or some shit ... and he takes it out on me & my mom and yelling and shit, i get pissed off & whatever.. like? yes i understnad you lost your bank card/credit card? BUT dont fucking yell & scream and shit WHEN you know that i have anixety ANYONE with anixiety would cry , and get upset and YELL right back ... but than mom comes in MY room after coming up stairs & says "its all your fault & you cause most of this" LOL whatever. im not even gunnah get into it.. i leave with jeff, we go over to my aunts to calm down & whatnoooot, we come back & i try telling my mom that shes not around, and that we should sit down and talk and that i DONT cry over nothing... -.- but YET she still thinks that i cry two much but YET .. > i have been throuhg hell and back but i cant cry & i need to get over it.. yes i love my mom more then anything, and yes every mother & daughter have there days but MOM you need to realize that i CANT help ti and anyone with depression & anixiety/bipolar can tell you that YOU cry over nothing.. and yes i bet it gets annoying i understand, but ? if i could make it stop i would.. i HATE It ... the ONLY thing that ever came outta this day was hanging out with my babie, YES he didnt need to see what happen or what went on today, it's wrong he shouldnt have to see that but i do understand if wwere gunnah be together for awhile, then hes gunnah see way more... but finally glad this day is DONE & OVERwiiith.

Jeffrey George SCholtens ♥

   it's our anniversary today, and i just wanted to remind you that you are my everything ..  from the day we met you changed my WHOLE life .. YES i was drunk, and stupid but after thinking about that now i was glad that day we met.. yes i fucked up i will admit that, i was a stupid fucking idiot and i deserved you  not talking to me :) BUT you not talking to me ONLY made us stronger , the day i seen you in walmart my heart dropped my christmas was made, i am truely in love with you & have been with you since the day we met .. you made me realizee alot yoou showed me the real robbi the person i needed too be =) i could be my COMPLETE self around you and thats never happen. yes ? we had some haters & some problems in the begining BUT we stuck through it .. i love you , and i just wnat you to know that, that will never change :D you have my heart forever .. and i'm sorry that sometimes im stupid & immature and insucure and get worried somedays, but you are SO amazing & could loose you in a blink of an eye gotta watch such a little nerd boys like you :) hehe justkidding. i loveee you boo * happy 5months, more to come :D

ii just dont get ittt ):

i just dont understand how he could go about his day with knowing that everyday he hurt's me and walks around with all his children and him not being around any of us? and when he does come around its convenient for him? thats wrong... and ive finally realized that maybe im done with him & everyone who talks tohim... he has done nothing but mess with my life, so why keep him around? yes the people who do talk to him & associate with him shouldnt have to suffer but i dont need him telling them something to tell me? -.- im not gunnah put up with that.. he's soopose to be a father hes sopose to be there when his kids are sick or when HIS daughter passes away YET he didnt even call my sisters mom and let her know that he was gunnah pay for half the funeral yes i know you live off your girlfriend & her kids.. but you could atleast helped with stuff or asked for pictures, but NOPE youd rather be so far up her ass ... when it comes to me having children and my wedding your not going to be invited you are missing out on ALOT of stuff, and mom has had to do this crap my whole life.. she seen my first steps my first crawl my first world, and where were you ? JAIL ... nothing new :) im finally over his bullshit & moving on with my life.. i dont need him i got a better dad <3 nathan moreland.